I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
