i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize