I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
