just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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