is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
