I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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