Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
your room smells of hookers.
And success
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
