I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
