Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
