you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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