There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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