WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
