i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
