If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
