I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
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