weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
