Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
