did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
don't judge my taste in strippers
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
