Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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