he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
