So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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