Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
