if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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