I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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