one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Your penis caused this!
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