I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
