so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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