I could have mohawked her pubes.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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