omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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