I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize