She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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