I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
