Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
