Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
