My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
