lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
