WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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