Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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