dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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