I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize