i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
