someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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