Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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