I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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