No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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