I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
