I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
