the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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