I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
