mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
