i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
