I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
