Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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