Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
