Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
