He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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