The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
either way he was missing a nipple.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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