Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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