He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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