My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude i'm inner monologue high
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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