it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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