she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
