Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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