you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
