Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
