Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
