I just threw up on my dentist
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
