No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I am spending my child support on dildos
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
