everyone is single if you try hard enough
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
