i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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