Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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