I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
