are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
