You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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