Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
