weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
