I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
