and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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