i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize