i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
