We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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