I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
you never un-have a 4some
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
