Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
