Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
