she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
