Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
