That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize