thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
