There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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