On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
