Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
