I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
