..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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