I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Damn victory sex feels great
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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