You really coming over, don't trick.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
