in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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