I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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