D3 body, D1 cock
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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