I wish my penis had an off switch
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
