Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
