my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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