She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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