isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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