He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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