yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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