I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
