dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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