I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize