So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
