what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Drunk is a universal language darling
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
