your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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